#3

The stars were coming on too close lately that it made me so happy that I thought that I could reach for the stars and finally feel what it would feel like to have the stars so close to me. But as I tried to touch it with my heart feel with excitement it only brought my heart despair. For it was worth was that I found out is a matter of what my mind thought, hallucination and it felt like its time for me to wake up from my sleep under the midnight sky filled with shiny shimmering stars.

Stars were totally out of my league. I thought I knew a lot about the stars but yesterday I found out that the stars needs no one to admire them for they can survive alone in the world. They’re already shining and 1 person less to admire them like I did would not affect their shininess at all. So today I woke up with a broken heart. Shying away, trying to disappear, is all this what I should really do? Once again, there’s a hole in this heart. All that is worth…I think I’m still not sober.

But too myself or the stars, that was the last time I would get drunk. It is time to wake up and tell myself no more drinking. Study is my goal and everything else would have to come after it.

#2

Today, I knew the stars a little more than I used to. My many firsts were used today. And the lonely walk by the harbor was something I had always dreamt of in a long while. Time spent with the stars put a smile on my face but as the night ended, this smile was taken apart by the feared voice of the world. Is it that important what people may think? Or was I just drunk with just a few sips of sparkling wine, or maybe is just true that if you wanna get drunk, you will be even if you don’t dream.

I’ve never meant to run away from my dreams. I know if I could I would stay by the beach forever. That’s all I ever dreamt of my entire life and since the day I encountered the beach. It is my destiny to spend my life enjoying the warmth, peace, comfort and joy that the beach has to offer me especially through the many rides of my life.

But I have neither forgotten the stars. Since the day someone thought me the importance of stars, I would never forget to take a peek of the sky if there were stars shining down on me or not. But I have never meant to get any closer than this as the stars were always too far from reach.

All I could do is gaze at the night sky and look at the stars twinkle back at me. But it would run away from me and most of the time it would hide away. Why now do the stars come back into my life? And this time the star is coming too close and I am afraid I would burn myself if I try to touch the stars. It’s no more me looking at the night skies and wondering where my dreams would take me. Somehow it’s getting out of hand and it isn’t good.

But somewhere deep in my heart I know this…Unlike the warm beach, whose warmth and love I can feel and I know the beach would do nothing at its best to hurt me. The beach and I can never be separated, that’s how much I love the beach. The stars will only shine my life, and I will be someone who helps the stars know how important they are as well but boundaries will be boundaries. The beach and the stars, they will be a definite part of my life. And I hope they will never leave me.

#1

Day has passed from the first day I thought of doing this. You can say it’s a need but you can also say it’s something unnecessary. Remaining unknown yet wanting to say all that’s hidden inside cuz somehow it can really be too much to bear and it’s weighing me down. Reminiscence of things unknown, is that possible? This heart and soul is too mixed up for me to even make everything clear for myself.

I’m missing the stars but I’m missing sunset at the beach as well. Can one just miss both at the same time?

I’ve been thought that the stars we look at each night is similar everywhere. Unknowingly, we may all be looking at the same stars under the same bright sky.

Have you ever thought that every ocean in the world flows with the same water as well?

In everything that you see, it only depends on what you choose to see, or what not….

But today I choose to see nothing cuz I dare not face what I’m looking at now. Will tomorrow be a better day after all the memories and events that have passed…what will change and what will not change? I only know I will not forget; the star nor the beach.